Our deepest fear isn't that we're inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure

Saturday, August 11, 2012

August: Last Month of Work with The Aldea

I know I should be giving minute by minute updates but there has just been so much going on. When am I going to post the pictures of all of the special events we’ve had, swimming parties, me teaching recycled art class and “field trips” to the mall? I have no idea. The sad truth is they just may not get posted.

That’s what I’ve been dealing with lately. When I came here 3 years ago I had a monton (think: mountain) of things I wanted to do, but as my time is winding down I have been working on acceptance. Acceptance that I have done all that I could do and now it’s time for the next chapter of my life. I keep coming up with new ideas, projects or just things I wanted to do but never got to, or never got to complete.

I was making myself (and the kiddos) craaaazy by pushing them extra hard just because “I only had a few months left”. I thought I was getting a replacement volunteer that but that fell through.

Since June I have been filled with a profound sadness that I wasn’t expected. I would well up with tears on my way to the Aldea thinking of how there are some kids I will never see again. The thing that gets me is that I just so much want them to be happy, safe and successful (in however they define that for themselves). I worry about them and  care for them and that is why it tugs at my heart strings.

I also feel guity because my peeps back home are like “You’re SAD!? cause you’re long overdue to be back on U.S. soil”. Believe me, not  a day goes by that I don’t miss my family, I mean my family and friends in the U.S is really the only reason why I’m coming home, otherwise I could probably get a job at the bar across the street and live on the beach forever. I just know how to get in touch with my family but some of the kids and I will lose touch forever and we’re talking over 100 kids so that’s a lot of little individual connections lost.

Of course just like with everything and everyone in our lives. We cross paths for a reason and for a season. They have impacted me in a huge way and I can only hope I’ve done the same for them, even if on a smaller scale.

After having cried it out earlier this week, I’m feeling strong again to be able to sad bye and wish everyone well. I want to write letters to each of the teens in my youth group so that they can remember all the things I tell them over and over again. It’s going to be hard digging deep emotionally AND writing it in Spanish, but I think it’ll be worth it.

I am not sure what I’m going to get everyone else, or how to say thank you to all the madres, tias and office staff that work there. Hopefully a big hug and a smile will be sufficient J

This month I will try to blog at least each week to make this a finale of sorts.

August 24th is my last day working at the Aldea so it’s coming up Super soon.

Wish me luck!!! 

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