Our deepest fear isn't that we're inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure

Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts

Friday, September 23, 2011

5 Ways I'm Still the Same

Earlier in the Week I listed a few ways that I had definitely changed as a result of living here as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ecuador. Well, here I present to you...

5 ways I am still the same old me!


1. I still Love my planner. - while I can go with the flow, I definitely still love to make my list, I rely on my planner and I actually still make plans even though I know the people around me aren't as steadfastly scribbling in their own agendas. I see now that after all this time this is a habit/ritual/personality trait that isn't going away.

2. In that same vein, I still look at my watch. Even though I know time isn't honored or monitored in the same way, I still find myself asking "what time is it" to which most people do not know because it doesn't matter. Sure it matters if it's the mañana (morning) or the tarde (afternoon), generally speaking, but that fact that it's 2:37 definitely does not matter to anyone but me. I don't know I always care what time it is, but I guess that's just my US ways drilled into my being.

3. I still love my "me" time. - Here the culturally appropriate thing to do is to never walk alone, be alone and to always chop it up with your neighbors. Me? I love having ME time. Time to sit by myself and do whatever is my hearts content. In fact if I don't get that time I get anxious and irritable. After ALL this time I should have been able to get with the program of being around people all the time (especially as a single female because that's the expectation) and while I've gotten better with being "neighborly" I still love/require my "me" time.

4. Language Resistance - While I do give myself a shout out for being able to communicate in Spanish, I feel like my brain is VERY resistant against taking the full plunge into the language. I live in a country where Spanis his spoken Everywhere All The Time. This isn't one of those countries that while Spanish is the official language you hear plenty of English too. I very much still form my thoughts in English and then try to translate them into Spanish before speaking. When will I start dreaming in Spanish? When will my thoughts flow in Spanish first and not require the extra step of translating? In thinking along the lines of Zhaungzi I feel at some point I should go from a Volunteer who is translating English thoughts to Spanish, to a Spanish thought that is Expressing itself as a Volunteer. Ha! Hey, it's a stretch but that's the only way I can explain how I feel about it :)

5. Style! I want some! I have spent two years wearing frumpy, hole-filled threads to deflect attention, appear modest and stay thrifty. Well, lately that has just depressed me. I know in a machismo filled society I shouldn't be showing my knees or wear anything that would even give a hint to my shape, but how many times can you a) be asked if you're pregnant and b) wear the same tent like gear before you go nuts. I'm going to the states soon and I think I am going to have to upgrade my wardrobe for the next year. I am going to try to make it as modest and non attention grabbing as possible, but man girls just wanna have fun and I want to have some style! (materialistic american much?) Hey I can have only 5 outfits, I just don't want those 5 outfits to be tents, trash bags and maternity wear!

The end :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

5 Ways I've Totally Changed...

While reflecting about spending another year in Ecuador I was thinking, man I have really changed and then at the same time I was like, no... I have my old ways about me and really haven't changed a bit....

So I don't know, you be the judge. I feel that in the beginning I was so stuck on integrating that I didn't even know what my own opinions were anymore. What food did I prefer, how do I walk, dress etc... now I feel like, I've tried the cuisine, seen the daily routines and now I've finally reached the middle of the road...whatever that is. I can't decide..have I tried a new thing on, abandoned it and started doing my own thing? Or am I just in a different country and finally comfortable in my own skin?

I'm still figuring it out but here are

5 Ways I Have Definitely Changed:

1. I Speak Spanish Now! - when I left the country I pretty much felt comfortable with Hola, Adios and Gracias so the fact that I can hold a conversation no matter how basic is still an accomplishment!

2. I can Cook! - Matter of survival? Who knows, but on a Peace Corps budget you're not able to go out and eat all the time plus if you want the kinds of food you like....sometimes you have to DIY! I'd like to take this time to give a big thanks to "Buen Provecho"

3. More Mellow- I like to think that I've mellowed out some. My days used to start with me making a 45 action item to do list. Now I have learned (though the lesson was a toughie to get!) that things move at a much slower pace and to just go with the flow. I am no comfortable with accomplishing 1 to 2 things daily ;o)

4. Soy pilas-this one I'm not sure yet if it's a positive or a negative. "Pilas" in Spanish means aware, savvy, dare I say even street smart. While I do NOT give myself a street cred badge just yet, I do know that I no longer walk around with my head in the clouds, I am aware of my surroundings (even though sometimes there is nothing I can do, I always see it comin...) and I'm always ready. I mean before I left the states stuffing my bra, shoes, socks, pants, you name it with money, keys and other valuables just to leave the house, was a behavior I never even knew existed...now, I know that it's a necessary precaution. That's a definite 180 for me. I would say

4b. Just to piggy back off of #4, If would have known that I now have to be so pilas, I would have NEVER thought that I would happily live in a place where all of that is necessary. So 3 gold stars for that!!

5. No longer scared of kids! I used to be scared of kids in so many ways. How do you make them happy? What if they don't like you? How do you relate to them? etc. The list goes on. Those fears also affected the way I thought about having some of my own! Now, while I'm no expert, I feel perfectly comfortable with the unpredictability that comes with hanging out and working with kids!


Stay tuned for 5 ways I haven't at all changed or tried, but am just stuck in my old ways...
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